I have noticed bursts of sadness and bursts of anger in the past twenty-four hours. I am pretty sure it is due to the out of control feelings that are often a part of the process of acceptance.
I received an email from my daughter's gynecologist late yesterday, informing me that she was trying to get a referral to a specialist approved, but believed that my insurance would most likely want my daughter to see a doctor at the university hospital close to my home...there is no specialist there, and when I called the hospital today to find out who she would be referred to, I had to explain what MRKH was, I had to explain what Mullerian Anomaly was. I am feeling some very strong emotions about not wanting to do this...not wanting this to be our reality. I am sure that this is part of the process of acceptance, but I really have never done well with this part of the acceptance process. I don't like to feel out of control, and I really feel this when I think about insurance companies and having to drag my daughter from one doctor to the next...why would we have to do this when we have the diagnosis and there are only a handful of doctors who treat MRKH. (I also hear a tiny voice saying, deep inside myself, "I don't want my daughter to have MRKH...I love her, but I don't want this to be real.")
Tomorrow is another day. I will call the insurance company and tell them that it is a waste of resources to send us for a second opinion....it will be the same as the first opinion...and then we will need a referral to a doctor who treats MRKH....so, let's skip the nonsense and just get right to the doctor who I will not have to explain MRKH to.
I wonder what I will do about that tiny voice I have been hearing. I wonder how to come to terms with that.
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